already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
