another moral hangover. fuck.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
