Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
