The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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