I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
