she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
