i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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