In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
