May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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