I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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