she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Randomize
