if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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