well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
