Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
