Where did you get a picture of my penis
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
