I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
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by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You are a genius and a whore.
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