come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
