...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
