I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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