yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
