Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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