I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize