Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you didnt know i had herpes?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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