just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
