thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
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She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
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I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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