somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
