Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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