I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
