I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
