??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
