I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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