I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
