i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
