there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
