Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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