i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
