I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
