I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
