hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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