Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
