I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Randomize
