i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
