dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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