why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
