Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
