I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
