and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
