I can tuck mytits in my pants
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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