my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize