I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
