Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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