the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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