i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
