I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize