since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
