After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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