D3 body, D1 cock
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Michael Bay diarrhea
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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