Kareoke will never be a sober sport
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
