before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
