i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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