I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
