It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
