You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Randomize