I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
