my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You ruined the universe
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
