Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
