Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
