so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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