Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
