so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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