I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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