You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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